


Caught in the Act

by lucky_spike



Series: Stabdads [8]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Awkwardness, F/M, Sexual Content, Stabdads AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-08
Updated: 2011-08-08
Packaged: 2017-10-22 10:00:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/236838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucky_spike/pseuds/lucky_spike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sn0wman parks on Slick's street, and he notices. Later, Karkat and Terezi stumble upon the aftermath and are suitably traumatized. Stabdads AU, nothing goes together like sex and humor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Caught in the Act

The kids didn’t get out of school until three. Snowman knew this. She also knew that since it was a nice day, none of the Crew would bother picking any of their kids up to take them home, leaving them free to walk home at their own pace.

She also knew that when the days were nice, and Karkat was left to walk home, Terezi always walked home with him. She’d go with him to the end of his street, and then Snowman would intercept her before Slick caught wind of anything, and the two would say goodbye, Karkat all verklempt and Terezi so very conflicted. Snowman never acted like she watched, but she always did, out of the corner of her eye, because it was a clumsy and childish relationship, but it was adorable. Terezi always fussed at her as they drove off, saying she meddled too much. Snowman didn’t find it to be meddling so much as prying.

She was sitting in her car, at the intersection a block away from Slick’s townhouse – and you could tell it was Slick’s, because the car was parked in the front yard and the grass was dead – smoking a cigarette and waiting. She was early today; her business downtown hadn’t taken quite as long as she’d anticipated. That was alright with her – Rez and Karkat would be there in forty minutes or so, and she had a pack of cigarettes and a magazine.

She had just settled into one of the articles when the knock came at her window. She looked slowly, mildly annoyed, and then raised an eyebrow.

“The fuck are you doing here?” Slick demanded. When she didn’t answer, looking instead back to her magazine, he banged the window harder and her gaze snapped up.

“Do not break my window,” she cautioned.

“The hell are you doing on my street?”

She looked around. “Funny, I thought it was a public street.”

“Hilarious.” She rolled the window down and he leaned on the door, metal hand clanking against the car’s body.

“Watch the paint,” she said, and went back to her magazine. “I’m sure you have somewhere to be, Slick.”

“Well I fucking did but _now_ I’m just fucking curious, aren’t I?” He unlocked the door and slid into the car. She rolled the window back up. “You casing my place? Is that it? That stupid, useless pack of green assholes you run around with planning a raid on it, huh?”

She turned a page and tapped the ash off the end of her cigarette, not looking up. “You know houses are off-limits.”

“Well then do you fucking mind offering up a goddamn explanation as to why you’re _a hundred feet away_ from mine?”

She shrugged. “This is where I pick up Terezi.”

His jaw snapped shut, confusion evident in his expression. “Why the hell is she even anywhere near here?”

“She and Karkat walk home together, Slick, honestly.” She looked up, politely interested. “Surely you knew about the two of them.”

“I didn’t know she was fucking walking home with Karkat.”

“Tch. You should pay better attention.” She laid her magazine on the dash and took his hand – the right one, which these days was all hydraulic cylinders and wires and carefully-crafted hinges – in hers, turning it over. He let her, snarling all the while. “Nice.”

“Not as fucking nice as the goddamn original, you insufferable bitch.” He snatched the arm away and glared at her, two feet away, perched on the edge of the car seat like he was about to jump for her throat or run like hell.

“Hm, well I suppose I might have been a bit harsh.” She plucked the cigarette from the end of the holder and watched him tense. She ground the butt out in the ashtray and looked reflectively at the long sleek cigarette holder, shining black in the sun, and listened to his breathing quicken, almost imperceptibly. “Although to be fair, I did tell Droog where you were.”

“Goddamn charitable.”

“I suppose.” She laid the holder aside then and lunged forward, before he could react, kissing him full on the mouth. He made a noise that sounded a little like ‘whaiurmph’ and went completely rigid, and he didn’t kiss back. She stopped, and leaned in close to his ear, while he was still sitting stiff. “Frankly, I think it was because I simply couldn’t stand the thought of not being able to torture you a little more.”

“You goddamn bitch,” he tried to say, even when she cut him off mid-sentence. This time he did kiss back, leaning into her, sharp teeth catching on her tongue a little. She tasted blood.

It was all over from that point.

He bore into her, sliding across the bench seat and ending up straddling her, each arm braced on either side of her shoulders. She wrapped her arm under his right arm and used her left to pull his hat off.

She’d forgotten how _sharp_ everything about him was. His teeth, the angles of his body, the way he moved. There wasn’t a soft, smooth curve anywhere to Spades Slick, and she wasn’t sure how that was attractive but what the hell. She pulled him closer, careful of the wiring that snaked around under his clothes on the right side.

The foreheads touched when they both came up for air, and she smirked at him, half-panting, her narrowed blue eyes staring straight into his green one. “So what do all these wires _do_ , Terminator?”

“Don’t fucking touch –” but she plucked one, delicately, at random. Hydraulics hissed and the elbow went limp. “Fuck you,” he panted, before she kissed him again.

“I wouldn’t mind.” And then she was lying back, across the seat, and he was crouched over her, his bony hips grinding against hers. She pulled him down closer and it was easier now that he was down to one arm again. Her right hand groped around his crotch, looking for that spade-shaped belt buckle. He was hard, she could feel him against her thigh.

“You’re still terrible,” she moaned, as his teeth traced little trails along her jaw and back behind her ear, “at foreplay.”

“Well I wasn’t fucking prepared, was I?” he grunted. The belt buckle came free in her hand and she fumbled his pants open, wrapping her hand around him. “Shit.”

She pulled him back down into a kiss as she started stroking, and she felt him shaking. His other elbow gave out then and he practically laid on top of her, their chests touching, still kissing. “You could return the favor,” she gasped, as he bit her sharply on the collarbone.

His hips bucked a little, God she’d forgotten how impatient he was. “Maybe if you hadn’t taken out my fucking elbow.”

“My mistake.” She grabbed him more tightly then and he hissed. His back arched as she guided him inside her, the hem of her dress riding up around her waist, her overcoat one wrinkled-up mass of cloth around her middle. She grabbed his hips between her thighs, pacing him, even as he growled in frustration. “No reason we –” she gasped and then moaned as his hips twisted and his pelvis ground hard against hers for just a second “– can’t both enjoy this then.”

Sex was the only thing in the world, evidently, that could keep Spades quiet. He just nuzzled into the crook of her neck and the nipped the soft skin behind her ear again, his breath hot and wet on her skin. She twined her right hand into his hair while her left hand scrambled for a grip in his jacket. And then they were kissing again, and she was getting close, so close, and he was half-whining, trying to push around her thighs, rutting into her. She pulled his hair, and he gasped and pitched forward, into her. She bit him on the neck and he started bleeding almost right away – little beads of red blossoming from the crescent of pinpricks.

She was almost there now, closer and _oh_ there went his hips, just that little twist was almost enough. She yanked his hair again and he whined this time, really whined and ground up against her with another little twist. He was shaking, it was amazing he hadn’t come yet, but she wasn’t quite done . . .

When she did finish she did it with a breathless shout, her shaking thighs going limp at last. Slick spasmed inside her and his body collapsed onto her with a feeble groan, his left arm finally giving out. He laid like that for a while, breathless, gasping for air, his day-old stubble scratching against the sweat and blood-slicked skin of her chest. She was still grabbing his hair, and she let her right arm go limp, her fingertips brushing the floor mats of the car. She thought she might be able to feel him trembling, but she herself was shaking so badly it was hard to tell.

After a while, he raised his head to look at her, his eye glazed and half-lidded. She sneered at him, ready to make some kind of remark, something to get him riled up again, when he kept on looking up, and an expression of mild horror blossomed across his face.

Outside the car, Karkat started screaming. “Aw, shit.”

Terezi’s voice joined Karkat’s a few seconds later, although at least her screams were slightly more eloquent. “Disgusting!” she yelled, and they could hear two pairs of sneakers pounding away across the pavement, Karkat’s unintelligible howls of terror fading as they tore down the street. Snowman covered her eyes with one trembling hand.

“Well, fuck.”

Slick’s forehead bumped against her breastbone and he growled, sawteeth grinding. “ _Now_ what.”

She worked an arm between them and pushed him up, off of her and out of her. “Get dressed.”

They made themselves as presentable as possible as quickly as they could, hatred aside in the post-coital haze. He knocked the cigarette ash off her hat after she plugged the wire she’d pulled out back in, and they both clambered out of the passenger door, Snowman managing to look less weak-kneed than Slick, but only just. “Goddamn fucking kids,” he snarled, hands in his pockets, clothing distinctly rumpled-looking. Snowman was doing what she could for her overcoat, trying to smooth it out, but there was no getting around it.

There really isn’t a look in the multiverse quite like the ‘just had sex in a car’ look, and unfortunately, it’s a look that isn’t quickly or easily remedied. Snowman gave up on Slick’s landing, and the two of them cautiously cracked the door open.

The screaming had stopped, which might have been worse. Slick immediately made for the stairs, as quietly as he could be, which wasn’t very quiet, really. Snowman followed, a silent, towering shadow.

They were halfway up the stairs when the door to Karkat’s room burst open and both trolls charged out, screaming once again. Slick lunged for Karkat but the boy wriggled away. Snowman did slightly better, twining her hand into Terezi’s jacket, but the girl just shrugged it off and pounded down the stairs, after Karkat, and into the kitchen.

Spades leaned on the banister and dropped his hat to the hall floor below, running a hand through his hair. “See what fucking happens when you fucking park on my street?”

“ _Do not even start_ ,” she snapped, turning back down the stairs, waving a finger at him.

This time Snowman crept at the front, through the kitchen, which was deserted. She gave a cursory glance to the living room – which looked incredibly unlived-in – and then slid down the hall to Slick’s room and office. Slick, waiting in the kitchen, gestured to the office. Indeed, when she got closer, she could hear a desperate whimpered litany of “Gross gross gross gross gross gross” coming from inside.

She swung the door open and in a half a second Slick was next to her, effectively blocking the door. The two trolls jumped deeper into the couch cushions, Terezi’s face ashen and stunned, Karkat’s eyes twisted shut, his arms waving desperately.

“Don’t fucking touch me! Disgusting!”

“It’s not what it looked like,” Slick said automatically. Snowman punched him in the ribs. “ _Fuck_.”

“Yes it fucking was!” Karkat howled, burying his face in his shoulder. Terezi nodded weakly. “The fuck else do you think I’ll believe it was?!”

“ _Language_ , Karkat.” Snowman punched him again. “God damn it, woman!”

“Everybody calm down,” Snowman said quietly. She didn’t need to be loud – she’d been a Queen once, and even now she could affect a certain tone of command that could pull a room to rapt attention with one soft-spoken word. “There. Now, Karkat, Terezi. Please, listen.”

Karkat glared at her, wide-eyed, but the command held. Slick was glaring back, teeth bared, threat unspoken hanging in the air between the two of them. Snowman nudged him and the wire from earlier, hastily replaced and apparently unsecured, came loose again. The hydraulics gave out with a pathetic little wheeze. “ _Fuck_.”

Snowman shot him a look – not a glare, she didn’t need to use anything that strong – and he settled back into silence, groping around under his shirt for the loose connection. She looked back to the trolls, imperious, cold. “There’s no point in denying anything, I feel.” And then she shrugged and smirked, pulling her cigarette pack out of her overcoat. “It is what those involved in a concupiscent relationship do.”

“Ew,” said Terezi softly.

She bent and fished a lighter out of Slick’s jacket pocket, despite his snarled warnings. It clicked open and flared in the dim office. “Really, you two, it’s a thought you ought to get used to.” She took a drag off the cigarette and fixed them with a truly worrying smile. “Just think, _everyone_ you know in a flushed relationship or a caliginous one? They _all_ do the same thing.”

Terezi went even more pale, if that were possible. Karkat started making noise again, this time a high-pitched keening noise as he stared in horror at the two adults. Slick looked to her and then back to the kids, light splashing off his fangs as he grinned broadly at them. “ _Everyone_ ,” he added for emphasis.

Karkat started screaming again, and Snowman blew a smoke ring around Slick’s face. “I think I’d better take my leave,” she murmured to him, moving into the office. She took Terezi’s limp hand in hers, leading her to the door. Halfway there, the girl got her senses back somewhat and she pulled her hand from her mother’s.

“I want to sit in the back seat,” she said, very definitely. Snowman shrugged.

“As you wish, dear.” She brushed past Slick on her way out the door, Terezi stomping ahead. “I better not find a scratch on my car, Robocop.”

“You better not fucking park on my street again, bitch.” He glared up at her and she started to lean down, almost kissing him, when Karkat’s screaming increased by about half a decibel and she rolled her eyes. Out in the hall, Terezi had spun around, one finger raised, a toothy grin on her face.

“Vriska is _so_ sitting in the front seat from now until forever.” Snowman closed her eyes, a faint smile on her lips, and turned, Slick watching her go with a half-cocked smirk.

“Whatever you say, Rez.” She strode down the hall, heels clacking on the wood, hips swinging. “See you around, Slick.”

“OH MY GOD I HOPE NOT,” Karkat hollered, flinging himself backwards onto the couch and cramming a pillow over his face. “I HOPE I SMOTHER AND DIE.” The front door closed, distantly, and Slick turned back to his ward, scowling. “I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF WITH THIS PILLOW.”

“Well fucking do it more quietly,” he snapped, before he retreated to his room for a shower. His arm still wasn’t working right and when he pulled it off and investigated he found Snowman had shredded one of the contacts on the wire. He shook his head and slumped down onto the bed. “Goddamn fucking bitch,” he snarled, but the smile quirked up at the corners of his mouth anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> I ACCIDENTALLY THE ENDING


End file.
